i am a 16, soon turning 17, girl.
So first of all, I’d like to make an advertisment that I haven’t been diagnosed with depression, neither on medication. I am not into seeking medical help because of personal issues and probably fear.
So, I’ve been depressed for over 4 years. At 10 years old, pretty early, I already started to deal with personal issues and low self-esteem, enormous family problems and this developed into a major depression crisis that for me started at about 12 years old. I lost myself entirely. And it wasn’t like a sad blue personality crisis. It interfered with every activity I practised. Failed in school. I refused to sing or dance at all. My voice tone got low and quiet. Insomnia over my sleep issues I had since childhood. Over eating. I started to walk with my eyes down and curbed back and developted kyphosis. I became very suicidal, it was part of my daily basic thoughts. Thinking about death and all. And lost my empathy. For about 4 years I haven’t noticed any accentuated emotions at all. Just numbness. And a month ago I got a lot of adrenaline ‘food’ for my brain. Lots of things happened, good changes, that made me this actually happy and gave me hope for future. But over a couple days the symptomes kicked back in. I am so angry and nervous for no reason. I am still able to feel, but I am mostly unhappy. Again, for no reason at all. I isolated myself, I really don’t wanna go out and see anyone, it makes me overly anxious and more angry. I am afraid I’ll go back being depressed again and this will colide with my future plans I finally have balls to make. I don’t think I’ll be able to aply to college and start a mature life with mental issues. I don’t wanna lose my hope again.
Have you spoke with your parents, your doctor or a school counselor? I understand your not wanting to take medications, and that is totally understandable. The first step would be to talk to someone. Do step one, before you worry about what will happen at steps two and three. Hang in there and feel free to keep us posted!