I dont kniw what to do with myself.

Questions and AnswersCategory: QuestionsI dont kniw what to do with myself.
Akira asked 1 year ago

Im feeling very lost, depressed and highly stressed. In my background, I’m muslim, I’m a south african living in saudi Arabia, come from a strict muslim family, and have no hope for my future. Recently, my father has become very violent with us. Since we live in saudi, he doesn’t drink or do drugs but he did have a horrible past. He tutors my little sister in maths every night. Last night and tonight, he hit her really badly with a belt. It was very hard for us to bear but when he does things like that, we can’t do anything for the fear of him doing it to us. We can’t report it because he’s the breadwinner of the family. My mother can’t help. She’s going through menopause. So anyways, the problem is over, we are all trying to comfort my sister and trying to feel better. My mother then comes to me and says you’re next, as if warning me she’ll do something to make my father upset with me. I never did anything, I was just sitting on the couch . But for the last 2 years, we haven’t been getting along. So after facing all this, I don’t know what to do. I have no support, nobody to help me, and no friends because we moved to another city where everyone is not my age. Also, I can’t get out of my house without permission to do anything. All my siblings just seem to not care about me and seem to agree with my mother. I have no hopes for getting married, a small tutoring job at home since it’s all I’m allowed to do, no degree since there are problems with my documents. I can’t even leave the country unless I get acceptedinto a university, which I’ve been trying to do. I don’t have panic attacks but I fake them when my parents really get to me, to keep myself safe. I even faked hyperventilation. I do a bit of insomnia though. I do artwork on my phone to cope but my mother hates seeing me on it (im only on it for a total of 3 hours a day). Im called a failure, because I couldn’t get into university, even though it’s not my fault. No one I know can know of me asking for help, or my life will get worse. What do I do? I’m out of options.

1 Answers
blooHOST Staff answered 1 year ago

Hi Akira,
I will admit it’s hard for me to know what to advise because you are in a different country with very different laws and culture.  The one thing that stands out to me though is that you are able to leave this abusive situation if you attend the university.  I know that it can be very difficult to study and prepare for exams if you are feeling depressed, but please don’t give up.  This is your ticket out.  Even though you didn’t get in yet, that is something that can still happen for you.  Think about what steps you can take to better prepare yourself and try again to apply.  Then, put all of your effort into this.
I also want to ask is there anyone you could ask for help that you haven’t asked because you feel ashamed?  A friend, a relative, a teacher?  People often understand more than you believe and are willing to help if only you ask. 
What are the laws in your country?  Is there any help for you there?  Could you talk with your religious leader for help?  I’m sorry I’m not really familiar with those areas to know what to advise.
If you haven’t been to our chat room yet, I would recommend visiting there as well.  There may be others in our group who are more familiar with the country you are in and your family’s religion who can tell you better what to do.  In any case, they all understand what it’s like to be in a bad situation and want to escape.  They will be able to give you emotional support while you work to find a happier life.
I am wishing you the best and hope you will be back and talk with us more.  Please take care and never give up.

DarkseekerHOST replied 1 year ago

I couldn’t have said it any better Bloore!

I also see going to a university as you escape. If I was you, I would focus all my energy on preparation, and I would apply to every school I could and hope that one will accept you.

Also as Bloore said, talk with someone, anyone. Don’t try and face the world alone.

I wish you the best! Please feel free to comment back and let us know how you are doing, and also feel free to visit our chatroom.

Take care,