Hello! I am sorry formthe trouble you might have reading my question, as my first language is not English . I live in a South Asian country where children live with their families their whole life until they are married (for girls). Our society is such where parents hold complete power on their children. I have been having mild depression since ten years ago. It used to be small things like being sad over not being selected for something or not being considered by my family or friends. They often forgot about the things that I considered important like birthdays or me participating in any event in school. I was often left out and forgotten. At that time I was still optimistic and still an extrovert. Things took a turn for worse when my friend of seven years decided to choose to move to another school with my other friend and didn’t even consider telling me and left. I felt alone and betrayed, but I kept it in and thought she might have some other issues, but she only ever talked to me when she wanted to gossip. I wanted to be good enough for them and my family, but whatever I did was never enough, I tried getting better grades as thats what my parents wanted, I tried learning the things my friends liked to mingle well with them but it wasn’t enough or maybe I was too slow. It was than I started having thoughts of suicide. I knew that I was depressed than and talked to my mother but she said that I was just overthinking and to get over it. I couldn’t get medical help so I turned to religion which did help in curbing the urge to kill myself. When I failed to get admission in a medical university I was hurled with abuse, saying I didn’t study enough, I never tried, even though I studied day and night to get good grades. When I got admission in another bachelor degree and got a full GPA I didn’t get a single word of encouragement from my parents. I took a science degree because that what they wanted. No matter what they found fault in one thing or other. For my parents I didn’t pursue a degree in English language like I wanted in order write. I used to love writing but nowadays I can’t bring myself to write anything. My wish to get my parent’s approval was more than my love of writing but I didn’t get either. My parents tell me that ,some person is doing so much better than you, if only you were better. My siblings and relatives call me a fool with no social life. My friends think I am a geek who only knows about studying. I want to be happy. Lately its becoming hard to do anything, I don’t have energy to eat, talk or simply get out of bed in morning. I feel like lying in the bed until my whole life passes by, but I know that’s not realistic. I applied for further studies abroad with scholarship, but my mother says she would not let me study abroad, of I want to study, it should be here. I want a chance to be happy. I feel like if I stay here I would be married of by my parents to some man who will impose his wishes on me. I hope you can give me some advice on what I should do.
I think in a nutshell my advice would be to stop living for other people, especially those who seem like they are incapable of ever being satisfied, and start living for yourself. You’ve been denying your own desires and trying to please others for so long and it’s only making you miserable. It’s time to think of your own needs. Is there any way your parents can stop you – other than making you feel guilty – from studying abroad? If not, then you should go for it. They will complain, of course, but you deserve a chance to life your own life and be happy.